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How I Discovered Sex

Agustus 08, 2019

Otis Milburn and Maeve Wiley - Sex Education, Netflix
“She’s not an object! You keep describing her as inanimate objects, but she is a person.” - Otis Milburn, Sex Education

Hi. How’s life? How’s your sex life? hehe

I’m currently watching Sex Education, a netflix series which makes me remember a thing that I’ve never told anyone. Not using the term ‘sexuality’ since it is not about my sexual feelings, thoughts, or behaviours towards other people, but it’s more about how I discover that there are activities called sexual intercourse. Omg.

The first time I figured it out was something silly. Where I didn’t get much exposure or information from family as well as society I raised cause sex was such a sensitive issue to bring on the dinner table. I’ve never had any discussion about it. I’ve never had any courage to ask about it. I didn’t get any opportunity, even bravery, to even think about it. There was no clear explanation. Sex sounds extremely despicable and unusual. It’s like there is thick boundary between the term and the social life.

I was born in a religious family; talking about sex is immensly taboo. Along with all curiosity, I needed to figure it out myself. I kept asking what it was between my legs for, why my parents told me to keep it away and not showing it to others, why mine is different from a baby boy’s I’ve ever seen, why the scene of delivering baby in a sinetron took my interest that much, etc. Well, it might sound ludicrous, but at least that really happened to me and I think parents’ role should be present at the moment as the information sources.

Who knows that probably there are children out there who have similar question to mine that needs much proper explanation but didn’t know how to ask, getting stuck thinking whether or not it is ok to ask.

When I was a high school student, I had my first Pentium 4 computer without internet connection. Besides playing zuma, minesweeper, or solitaire, I used to watch movies borrowed from a rental. One day, I found a round compact disk without pictures on a computer desk. The curious me put it in the computer's cpu and the video automatically played. I saw a man staring at a woman (I didn’t know that was flirting) who was standing on a staircase of a bunk bed in a small room. When he started to get close to the woman and put off her shorts, I spontaneously took out the compact disk from the cpu and left thunderstruck.

As time goes by, I finally knew that THAT was a blue film, the real bokep, a PORN wkwkwk. The activity that the man and the woman did was a biological activity that’s very normal. It’s mostly pleasurable for both men and women, which depends on the brain that releases hormones interpreting stimulation as pleasurable, therefore, many people have it. The World Health Organization (WHO) has stated that sexuality is an integral part of the personality of everyone: man, woman and child. It is a basic need and aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspects of life and it influences thoughts, feelings, actions and interactions and thereby our mental and physical health. The activity is so human :)

That was the first time I watched an adult movie, eventhough I only watched it like no more than 3 minutes. The moment after watching that video was the real challenge for me. I always thought about it, what activity that was, why they did kinda things, what for. I couldn’t ask anyone cause the first thing I remembered was that I took a look at my brother’s property ‘illegally’, so, yeah...feeling guilty and insecure all the way back then passing through my high schools 😭

Taking an educational major then ‘constructs’ me to be educationally critical for any educational stuff. I started to read alot articles on how sex education should be delivered especially for children. Most importantly, reflecting on my childhood, I don’t want my children later on to struggle alone finding about sexuality like I used to. I want them to be at least ‘open’ to me and have a courage to ask anything and I have a capability to explain it in a wise and reasonable way. I don’t want to only scare them by telling about venereal diseases or Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). I want them to know that sex is not only about putting a penis into vagina, but how they aware of their body parts, how they keep it healthy, what needs to do and don’ts and why. It is about them who then have the insight to recognise situations that might turn risky or violent, and know how to avoid them and how to deal with them if they do arise.

As affirmed by Sue Dyson PhD (Australian Research Center in Sex, Health and Society) in her research on parents’ attitutes to sexual health education in Western Australia schools:

“Young people need to learn to know their own personal values and beliefs about relationships and sex. Whether sexuality education occurs in school or in the context of the family, it should be more comprehensive than the simple provision of information. It is therefore important that young people develop skills so that they make sound decisions about sex and relationships and are able to stand up for those decisions.”

Well unfortunately, it is such a challenge faced in this country, at least in the sociey where I live in. Most people think that sex education is something relatable to free sex. I personally would say that sex education should be accompanied by the information about sexual health and reproduction organ, as the more they know, the more they’re supposed to take care of it. The important point is that when someone knows about sex earlier doesn’t mean that they'll get into free sex life. It’s all about knowledge and how parents or adult guide them to not have misleading information. 

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